Little lost goth girl

IMG_20160303_101432

Little lost goth girl

Drowning in her hair

Swallowed by the black

Held by the harsh guitar sounds and banging drums

Seen in her drawings

Come to me, inspire me, allow me to see, to be and recreate

Advertisements

Hurried

20160102_222357

In the hurried frazzledness of life

The constant state of motion

Never stopping

Always going

I miss the sunrise

The sunset

The sun and wind against my skin

I am caught in the trap of living

Forgetting that I am in fact alive

Always moving

Always running

Afraid to stop

Afraid to feel

There is safety in movement

It’s time to be still

And to be again

IMG_20151231_113112

Been in a fog

I have wanted to write

Longed to write

So many ideas flowing

and then, I sit down and nothing

feverishly I reach for my notes

and nothing

go to the writing books

nothing

inspiration lost

gone

and fog sets in

I sit and wait

sit and try

and the words feel forced

feel contrived and inauthentic

My head swimming in a fog

No end in sight

I set deadlines

They go unmet

I know what I want to write about

And yet I cannot seem to find….

I am blind

I am lost

I am tired

And I long to create

To write

My characters cry to me

Visit my dreams

Talk to me

And yet when I sit to write

They are lost in the fog

So I set intentions

And they go unanswered

I have given up trying to force the words

The fog will lift

And when it does

I will be waiting

Sitting at my computer

And the words

The people

The places

Will find me

And I will write my story

It’s in there

It is the seed

Waiting to grow

Waiting for the spring

Waiting for the sun

So I wait

Any day now the fog will lift

I can see the sun peeking through

Waiting- part of the very short story series

Her hands were sweaty. Her heart raced. Her stomach turned its empty contents. Her thoughts spun a million magnificent webs, none of which reflected rays of reality. There she sat, staring out the window. Questioning herself. Doubting herself. Fingers tapping the table. Legs bouncing. Watching the people rush by. Wishing at this moment, she could be one of them. One of the million people hurrying elsewhere. She wanted to be anywhere but here. She felt sick. Her empty stomach revolting. The feelings crawling up into her throat. Was the bathroom close? Swallowing it all down. Waiting and wishing she had said no.

Living Dream

wpid-img_20150226_014243.jpg

The room starts to spin

images come alive

I close my eyes

Melt into the music

Tones breath

I taste the textures

Smell the vibrancy

Even in my mind

the world is spinning

Images come alive

imagination runs wild

lines blurred

crossed

no sense of reality or dream

I live in both worlds

merged into one

my reality imagination

dream reality

doesn’t matter

what i see

feel

hear

experience

real or imagined

it’s all the same

breathing

bleeding

alive

Hand in the Ground

overload

wpid-img_20150227_140930.jpg

Today of all days I wish I felt numb

experienced nothing

no emotion

no feelings

nothingness

but i don’t

i feel everything

amplified

I need a surge protector

to block

to protect

the bombardment of emotion flooding me

And in this tsunami

i can’t find the ground

or embrace reality

out of touch and overwhelmed

the anesthesia has worn off

I am naked

exposed

and vulnerable

be gentle

for this soul is breaking

it’s cracking

my cocoon wide open

butterfly

My shadow

night walk

What lurks behind me?
Deep inside?
Those pieces I thought I buried
Left in the hills
In my childhood house
Hid away in the closet
What creeps in the corners of my consciousness?
Just out of view, so I just can’t see
What is that I hid from?
Run from?
Pretend doesn’t exist
What skeletons?
What monsters?
Do I dare not unleash
Free from the cages in my mind
Locked away
Threw the key in the lake, tied it down with a brick
You’ll never know
I’ll never tell
Safer for me and safer for you
If you never know
Never touched
Never saw
my shadow

keeper of my secrets

of that which I refuse to accept

to know

the dark pieces of me

buried deep inside

don’t ask them to come out and play

shadows lurk

Falling

water

And I’m stuck.

Trying to write.

Trying to create.

My head swims and I fade out.

Into the dark.

Into the void.

Into the ego.

The tired. Into my mind.

Swimming in my thoughts.

My ideas.

I can’t catch a raft.

I’m losing air.

I’m losing my grip.

Why does it have to be this way?

Why can’t dive in?

Why can’t I trust?

Why must I fight?

Why must I struggle?

I am fading.

I am losing.

I am…..

I am falling.

Darkness swallows.

Ego fails.

And I am left alone.

Me and my muse.

Me and the void.

Left to create.

Left to swim.

Release.

Stop fighting.

Fall and be free.

Dreams of Past

dreaming

Dreaming of you always unnerves me

Upon waking I still feel your presence

As if you are still here

A longing, a missing, a sadness

A joy and a happiness

that at least I am visited

at least I am with you

when I sleep

Soul traveling

I have no doubt we are connected

Lifetime upon lifetime

Thank you for visiting

If it is only still while I sleep

And just so you know

and you remember

I remember you

I think of you

I miss you too

and yes I still love you