Witness protection

As the nerves slowly take over and I can no longer function

I concentrate to keep my body from revolting

It takes everything not to scream and run for the door

My mind begins to wander with a million what if disaster scenarios

And I am brought back to myself

my fears washed away when my eyes meet those familiar eyes

I am blessed with the all reassuring smile

that confirms everything will be okay

What more?  Check out the daily post

Reason to believe

wishing

Love

She exists.  Even if she is a faint memory.  She is always there.  Watching.  Waiting.  Wishing.  She is the angel you forget about.  The angel you cling to.  Because at the end of everyday, there are those who love unconditionally.  Those who make the world a better place.  And then there are those who eagerly await your return.  All because of love.  She is there.  She is always there.  Sometimes, you just have to look.

Want to read more, check out the daily post!

New Year’s Wish

hearts

Who better than a writer to create a poetic inspirational New Year wish. I couldn’t have said it better, so in the words of Neil Gaiman, I wish you in the coming year…

“Be kind to yourself in the year ahead.

Remember to forgive yourself, and to forgive others. It’s too easy to be outraged these days, so much harder to change things, to reach out, to understand.

Try to make your time matter: minutes and hours and days and weeks can blow away like dead leaves, with nothing to show but time you spent not quite ever doing things, or time you spent waiting to begin.

Meet new people and talk to them. Make new things and show them to people who might enjoy them.

Hug too much. Smile too much. And, when you can, love.”

Ode to a friend

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I have this friend, she was like my sister

From lifetimes ago

Our relationship dwindled

Miles and people separated us

And still to this day

I love her

I miss her

Sick and twisted

Right or wrong

We were in it together

Until I realized that I could no longer feed my sickness

Feed her sickness

Our sicknesses fed off of each other

Poisoning us and everything around us

And despite everything

The hurt feelings

The broken hearts

The pain

I still love her

I still miss her

Because she stepped into my darkness

And I her’s

And we still loved each other

Now forced conversation

Walls built high

A longing to go there

Be there

And a knowing of the disaster it brings

And in my heart

I long to see her happy

To see her at peace

I have found my peace

and

I have found my happiness without her

Something I never imagined

Hopefully someday

She can join me

Beat her demons

Step into the light

And when I see her

And briefly talk with her

A piece of me

Longs

Wishes

To step back into the darkness

To be swept away by the crazy

To be in that place again

And so I extend my hand

Invite her in

Not knowing will I stay sane or go crazy again

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A letter to the depressed, sad and suicidal

There are times in your life where you are going to feel like you just can’t take anymore. That you just want to stop the pain. End it because it feels like it is never going to stop, that it is just going to keep coming. The voices in your head that tell you- You are worthless, that no cares, that the world would be better off without, that you deserve your pain, and on and on. Those voices are wrong. You are worthy, you are beautiful, I care, the world needs you (really it does, there is only one you who does what you do) you matter, your life matters, you will be missed, even if right now you feel desperately alone, you are not, people love you wither you realize it or not. You just have to make it through this moment, this moment that feels like you are dropped below rock bottom. This moment that you feel the weight of the world suffocating you. This moment is going to pass, that is the beautiful thing about time, it passes and you my friend just have to make it through this moment.

My friend, I may not know you and that really doesn’t matter. Because I have loved people that feel that way you do. And I want to remind you that you matter! That you are loved! You are worthy! And you can make it through this!

To help ease these moments where you feel like you just can’t go on you can try the following:

Stop!  Yes, stop!  Silence the voices, if only for a minute.  Focus on your breath.  Breathe in and and out slowly.  Feel the air enter and exit your body.  Imagine that this air is nurturing and loving you in all the ways you need right now.

Turn on your favorite music, the music that makes you smile and makes you move. Feel the music in your bones. Let it sweep you away. Dance!

Grab pen and paper, crayons, markers and start writing all the thing that make you matter, all the compliments you’ve received, don’t censor yourself. Write all the things that make you great, all the things you like about you, others like about you. Let them flow. Not feeling them? They are there, dig! Don’t fight them or stop them, don’t argue with them. Let these words speak to your heart about how truly awesome you are.

Make your favorite soul comforting food and savor it.

Call a friend.

Call the suicide hot line-http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

or chat with someone at http://hopeline.com/

Watch your favorite show.

Take a bath.

And if still you struggle find a therapist, call 911 or go to the hospital because you matter!

Dreams of Past

dreaming

Dreaming of you always unnerves me

Upon waking I still feel your presence

As if you are still here

A longing, a missing, a sadness

A joy and a happiness

that at least I am visited

at least I am with you

when I sleep

Soul traveling

I have no doubt we are connected

Lifetime upon lifetime

Thank you for visiting

If it is only still while I sleep

And just so you know

and you remember

I remember you

I think of you

I miss you too

and yes I still love you

Image

The short love story

Writing day 17- write a love story in 5-6 sentences

flowers

Sun shines bright almost blinding. Dew kissing each blade of grass, each petal. Awakening to the morning. Petals open to great the sun. Dancing together each day until the moon comes and the sun goes away.

Moments with You

Day 16 of Write Yourself Alive: Something I enjoy doing outside of writing.
I live for these moments, I really truly do. Except that I have taken at least half of them and most likely closer to 80% of them for granted. I get too caught up in my mind, what I have to do, what needs to be done, why did I do that or not do that. The future and past keep me occupied. Keep me away from you and you are what I cherish. But in those moments. When I stop the never ending stream of thoughts. When I stop and breath in the moment. When I allow myself to be. These are the moments that I long for. The moments that stay with me, keep me going and make me who I am. Funny how in these moments, nothing matters but the moment. I couldn’t tell you that the smell was always the same. Because it’s not. Sometimes it is stall and old, like an old bar. Other times like fresh cut flowers. Each moment has its underlying current of excitement, anger and yes, at times boredom. The only thing that each of these moments has in common is us. Those moments when we are truly in sync. Harmony.

A letter my ex (any of them will do)

Writing prompt Day 4 Write Yourself Alive: write a letter about my last heart break- say everything I want

I don’t need to say dear. Because it doesn’t much matter now. My heart has healed and I have grown. If I had been asked five years ago to write this letter to you. The tone would have been much different. I would have scolded you. Berated you. Torn you down. Hoping, wishing and praying that just an ounce of you would feel the low that I felt because of you. I allowed you to tear me down. To destroy me. My confidence. My intuition. My self worth. I allowed you to take it from you. Use it against me. I felt crazy around you. As if my world was crumbling and you were the key to reality. A magician of human psyche. You were Houdini. I believe every illusion. I didn’t want to know how you did the tricks. Knowing would have returned my power. Something you locked away. Slowly I awoke from the comma of you. I became aware of reality. I drowned in your lies. Suffocated. It took everything to keep myself from slipping into the abyss. You called it love. No, it was hell. It killed me. Until I couldn’t bob anymore, I couldn’t tread. I could no longer fight the current. I floated. Until I reached the cool shore. Who knows how long I laid there. Exhausted and lost. On that shore I found myself. And began the slow journey to return to me. I thank you. If it was not for your cruelty. Your delusions. I would have never become the person I am today. I would have stayed and drowned. Anchored to the deep dark bottom. I would have never know the sun or the stars. I found myself. My beauty. Free of you, I fly. I am in love with myself and life. I am sorry you will never have this for yourself. You are anchored to your misery.