And I am feeling lost. Staring at my computer. The words have left, taken their ball and gone home. And here I sit and stare. This is nothing new. All writers know this. And I feel the push, the drive to create something brilliant and insecurity that simmers under the surface saying, “it will be crap.” And so I sit and stare. Lost in my circle. Create. I can’t. I have to. It’ll suck. Time slowly ticking. And I sit and stare. All the characters that I danced with yesterday, even during breakfast, have moved on with their day, gone to their jobs, met their lovers at seedy hotels, boarded airplanes for paradise. And I sit and stare. Tick tock goes the clock. Eyes fade and the screen is a blur of white like staring into the sun. Trying to fight time, like a boxer trying to get the last punch in before the bell. Trying to find inspiration, like an artist sees the world. I look over my outlines. Over my ideas. My list of projects. And nothing comes. Time has stopped like watching the clock on the last of day of school before summer vacation. Eternity has set in. My mind wanders like a leaf in the wind. My creative gone and forgotten like a prisoner on death row. So, I sit and stare. Force myself to wait. To be patient. Like a child waiting for mailman. Like a dog waiting for dinner. Like people waiting for the bus. I know it will come. I just have to wait. Patiently.
Saturday I was blessed to attend a drum making class. A beautiful experience. I can honestly say I love my drum. The shaman informed us that the drum will tell us his or her name. My drum let me know her name is Luna Rose. She looks like a Luna. The shaman also said that our drums would travel through our life with us. Teaching us and reflecting life lessons for us. It hasn’t been a week and this has happened already.
Some how, I don’t know how. Her hide warped in a couples spaces. I thought I had followed all the rules and guidelines for the care of my drum. I fought back the tears. Surprised at my emotion. I freaked. She sounded funny. She didn’t vibrate how she did before. I scanned the internet and found a wonderful site that said to try heat but to be careful, too much heat could ruin her. I sat in my bathroom with the hair dryer. Saying prayers of love to the drum, the universe. Again surprised at myself.
I fixed her. I cheered! I thank the universe, I thank her.
Reflecting I realized, I often think I know but I really don’t know. I think I am paying attention when really I am asleep at the wheel. As well as, just taking time to heal my wounds. To honor daily self care.
I am excited for my journey with Luna Rose. For the healing power she offers me, my family and the people I work with. The Native American believe that drums are extension of the heart. I believe it! What a powerful instrument.
After I made Luna Rose, I felt compelled to create a soul card for her. Hides with scars are said to either survived or died from a predator attack. I felt Luna had a mountain lion essence to her (maybe that’s why she is Luna Rose). These hides it is also said are warrior hides.
If you ever have the opportunity to create your own drum I recommend it. If you can attend a drum circle or experience the power of the drum I recommend it.
Do you drum? Own a drum? Attended a drum circle? I’d love to hear from you!