Therapy Thursday- Change

I have been absent far too long.  Lost in a sea of transition.  The galactic energies at play rock me in the sea of life as I am tossed and turned.  I am restless and tired.  I am growing and expanding.  Do my best to release that which no longer serves me, that which on some level I still cling to.  Fear, doubt, guilt.  Looking to the pile of paperwork on my desk.  I have no ambition to tackle it.  I want to be anywhere but here.  I couple more months.  A couple more months and I take the leap.  I am ready for change.  I have been stagnate for far too long.

Can you feel the change in the air?  Feel the restlessness?  Hear the call to step into your life’s purpose?  How can you embrace these ever changing times?

Make time for yourself.  Create rituals that allow you to step out the craziness of your day to day.  Give yourself space.  Meditate.  Journal.  Dance.  Yoga. Walk.  Do something that allows you to slow down and reconnect to yourself, your soul and your body.  Give yourself permission to release that which no longer serves you.  Each and every day.  Take time just for you.  If you can do this in nature all the better.

How to handle change?  If you are feeling the energy shifts, how are you handling it?

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Therapy Thursday- Music

I love music!  I love how it speaks to me and through me.  How music can communicate my mood or change my mood.  I also neglect my relationship with music, take it for granted and forget about it.  I love those synchronistic moments when I am reminded what music does for me and takes me out of my head.  Yes, we are ruled by our egos, our minds.  We are constantly thinking putting ourselves in the future, the past and out of the moment.  If you follow my blog you know that I am working towards a huge lifestyle and career change.  Exciting and scary.  But totally worth it in the end.  We only have this life, right now, right?  Driving to work today, I was stuck in ego, in fear, in my mind.  My bills, my income, all my responsibilities.  When one of my favorite songs came on, a song that forced me to dance.  I stopped my thoughts.  I flowed into the music, singing an dancing in my car.  Totally meshing with the music.  I listened to words, allowed them to speak to me.  After the song was over, I felt better, more at ease, more relaxed and definitely less stressed.  Take time to dance, to listen to music that moves you.  Allow music to lift your spirits or perhaps allow it to sing the woes of your soul, your life, your problems. Allow yourself to be moved, to be in the moment.  Allow yourself just to be.  That’s what music does for us, it allows us to be, where ever we are in that exact moment.  Perfect and beautiful!

What music moves you?  What do you listen to when you are angry, sad, happy?  What’s your favorite song?  How do you feel about music?  I know, I asked a lot of questions.  I just want to start the conversation.

Here’s the song that inspired me today 🙂

Therapy Thursday- A Ritual for Fear

I can’t believe I forgot to add this last week.  It is a beautiful way to help you release and work through fear.  You might have to do it a few times.  Sometimes fear needs a bit more acknowledgment.  You can do this ritual before or after working through the steps to release fear.

Sit down someplace quiet where you won’t be disturbed.

Get some paper, markers, crayons, pens, etc.

Light a candle, play some music if you want.

Start writing everything you are afraid of.  And I mean everything.  If you think you’ve got it all.  Keep going.  Don’t stop.  Let it all out.  Everything you are afraid of, people think you have ugly toes, people laugh at you, you are no good, bad hair days, death, accidents.  When I say everything.  I mean everything.  Nothing is trivial here.  It’s all important.  Keep going.  If you stop.  Take a minute and then go again.  Until you finally feel emptier and lighter.  If you don’t feel this, it’s okay.

If you feel like it, cross things out, scribble things out.  Feel the energy of release.

Now rip up your paper with intention.  You are no longer fear’s prisoner.  Rip that paper up with purpose.

Go to your fireplace, BBQ, a fire proof bowl.  You are going to light the paper on fire.  If it feels right, say, “I am of this no more.”  or “I release you.”  “You no longer have power over me.”  Say whatever feels right to release the fear.  If nothing comes.  Then just let the paper burn.

If you can gather your ashes, do so.  Please don’t burn yourself, wait til they are cool.  Spread the ashes in nature.

Have you done something like this?  Did it work?  I would love to hear if you have tried this or if you do this what your experience is.

Therapy Thursday- fear and anxiety (on a personal level)

I was going to blog more about releasing fear when one of her friends visited me today.  Anxiety.  Yes, Anxiety and I go way back.  She loves to feed fear and fear loves to feed anxiety.

I work on my stuff all the time.  I feel it is my duty as a therapist.  To know my stuff and to be constantly working on it so I can provide with best therapy experience for the people I serve.  Lately, I have been working through fear.  My fear of success, failure, not being enough, being judged, and rejected.  Just when I think I’ve got myself to a point were I am making progress the universe (in her wisdom and not funny at the time humor) tests me.  Have I really removed the blocks?  Who said removing blocks would be easy.  Don’t I work with clients on how often times when we solve one problem it can manifest in another way?

Anyways, I get a referral from someone I respect greatly in the psychic community.  I also do intuitive work.  I get the call from the person she referred me to, an owner of a night club needing a tarot reader for two nights.  He leaves a message and it’s broken up.  I can barely understand him.  I start to feel the anxiety creep in.  “Oh God, I can’t do this.  I am not ready.  I am not good enough.  What if they see me as a fraud.  I don’t have the right clothes.”  I talk to my boyfriend and he says I should at least call they guy back.  I do and I’m not sure if my message goes through, and so I text him.  And here I sit waiting.

As I wait, I realize that a huge part of my fears are fed by my anxiety.  That I do the work with my fear and forget to tend to anxiety.  Of course she would be jealous.  Dreams get attention, wishes get attention.  Fear gets attention.  And here anxiety sits in the corner.  No wonder she has been getting louder.  She needs just as much love as the rest do. I start working on my fear steps (I blogged about them last week) and I invite her in.  She just wants to make sure that everything is okay.  She is the mother protecting her child.

How can you help ease your anxiety?

1. Acknowledge it.

2. Slow down.  Before anxiety takes over.  Take some deep breathes.  Just like with fear.  Breathe into those spaces that anxiety likes to hang out.  Take as long as you need.  Just sit and breath, deeply.  Until you feel yourself relax.  Do a body scan if needed.

3. Ask anxiety what it wants but don’t let it run away with you.  When anxiety starts with the what if’s.  You know, what if this happens, what if that happens.  You got to meet anxiety there.  Answering back, “What if that happens?  What if this happens?”  This can be a scary step, going into the what ifs.  The beautiful thing about what if’s is that they are just that.  What ifs.  We are excellent at psyching ourselves out. You are listening to the what if’s because you are going to give them a rebuttal.  You are going to give them a believable argument about why the what if is work.  Just like an excellent attorney defending it’s client.  Look at my case.  What if they think I’m a fraud?  Then they think it.  I cannot change their opinion.  I can improve my craft or decide that I don’t want to do group events anymore.  What if I am rejected?  Is the end of the world?  What if I am rejected by a group of strangers, how does it really affect me.  I still know people who love me and accept me for who I am.  What if I am not good enough?  Maybe their expectations were too high.  Maybe I need more practice.

4.  Let anxiety know, everything will be okay.  You can and will get through this.  That you have what it takes.  You are enough.  Give anxiety believable reasons why everything will be okay.

Extra step:  This works for me.  I distract myself.  I get busy.  I don’t anxiety take over.  I acknowledge her, give her space but I don’t let her run the show.  And sometimes that means doing something else.  Taking my mind off what is causing the anxiety until I feel calm and go back with a clear, relaxed head to reassure anxiety that everything will be okay.

Hope this helps.  What works for you?

P.S.  Shortly I will be posting a fear release ritual.

Therapy Thursday- Fear

I don’t know about you but fear and insecurity seem to be a huge hump in my life. I continually find myself bumping up against them. I also have been finding fear coming up for the people around me. I love how the universe is master at reflecting back to us where we need to do work on ourselves to help others. Here are some tips I have learned along the way to help with fear.

  1. You have to acknowledge it. Sometimes, even this step is scary and hard. But fear isn’t going anywhere until you acknowledge it. The fear is here to tell you something. It’s here for a reason. Trust its timing.
  2. Where is the fear in your body? Take time to feel where you are holding it. I tend to hold fear in my neck, shoulders and stomach.
  3. Breathe into that space with love and compassion. Take your time. Take deep loving breathes into that space. If needed ground yourself first.
  4. Start asking the fear questions
    1. What does it want?
    2. What’s its message/purpose?
    3. Get clear and specific on what exactly the fear is trying to tell you. (For some meditation helps here, don’t censor any images, thoughts, feelings, beliefs that come to you. Let them come to you.)
  5. Listen with compassion. Don’t judge your fear; just let it tell you what’s going on.
  6. Work with the fear.
    1. What can you do to ease the fear?
    2. What makes the fear feel okay?
  7. Give examples of people who have what you want.
  8. What have you learned from your fear, what insight have you gained and what do you now understand about your fear?
  9. How can you affirm and remember what you have learned to be true and possible? (Quotes are great. As well as, affirmations, remember with affirmations you have to believe them. If you don’t believe it when you say your affirmation work with it until it feels believable. Take from what your fear said would make it feel okay.)
  10. Thank your fear.

Example: Suzie is a writer who is terrified of rejection so she never shares her writing, keeping it locked away. She wants more than anything to be a successful writer. Here are the steps in actions.

  1. First she accepts that she is afraid.
  2. Suzie feels the fear in her stomach, like she is going to throw up at the thought of someone reading her work and saying something bad about it.
  3. Suzie sits for a moment and breathes into the her stomach. Sending it compassion and love.
  4. Next she gets clarity. She asks her fear what do you want, what’s your message, your purpose.

Her fear tells her that it is afraid that people who read her work won’t like it and that means they won’t like her. Furthermore her fear tells her that if people don’t like her writing she is no good and worthless. Her dream of being a bestselling author is over.

  1. Suzie listens to her fear, she doesn’t stop it. She just listens.
  2. Suzie asks her fear what can she do to help her fear, ease her fear and make the fear feel okay.

Listening Suzie fears tells her to go slowly. Start by sharing her work with trusted friends and family. Then if they like it to move to a blog or writing group.

  1. Next Suzie finds writers who have what she wants. People who are making a living at writing.
  2. Suzie reflects on her fear and learns that she is afraid of being judged and rejected.
  3. Suzie finds quotes that support her dream of being a writer. As well as, writing a couple of affirmations that she believes to help her. I am worthy (I create myself worth, not the opinions of others). I am a writer.
  4. She thanks her fear.

Therapy Thursday-Trauma

It’s been a busy week.  I don’t know if you’ve been rushing around here and there feeling like you have a million and one things coming at you and a million and one things more to do.  However, in this hustle and bustle a string of connections appeared.  Each person I meet and talked about some sort of trauma they had experienced or were experiencing.  Not that they labeled it that they didn’t.  Because who wants to use a word like trauma?  It’s scary and carries a heaviness to it, it implies being broken beyond repair.  I totally disagree.  Someone suggested I read Waking the Tiger by Peter Levine, a body approach to trauma.  I am about half way through and going to start the exercises tonight after I blog.  I’ll let you know how it goes.

First, he explains trauma and that anyone and probably everyone has had a traumatic experience.  Crazy huh?  It makes senses.  We all have had life threatening or perceived life threatening experiences.

Second, he takes about what happens in our bodies.  And how we end up storing the trauma in our bodies.

Third, he gives hope that we can heal without reliving the traumatic experience and that some of us won’t even be able to identify the trauma.

I love this.  I have worked with people struggling with trauma.  I have dealt with my own trauma (something that took me years to admit).  You feel broken.  You feel like a you are damaged goods.  You enter this space where you feel a piece of you is always on guard.  Dealing with trauma sucks and it’s hard painful work.

Is his approach the answer?  I don’t know.  However, in my personal experience and clinical experience I have also come to learn no one approach is the answer.  Using various methods tailored to each person and directed at healing mind body and spirit.  That healing our wounds is a process.  It’s a onion.  We peel away layers.  Sometimes we feel like we’ve healed to the root and then a couple layers grow back or new layers sprout up and we deal and heal those layers.  Each time growing as people.

Most importantly, I believe that there is always hope and no one is too broken or too damaged.  That everyone regardless of how they feel about themselves deserves love, especially from themselves.  I believe everyone can and deserves to heal.

If you are struggling or suffer from trauma please reach out and get help, you deserve to heal!

New Year and resolutions! Therapy Thursday

Happy New Years!

It’s that time of year, we make promises to ourselves.  Some of us make promises on how we plan to improve our lives, others make a list of goals.  How many of us actually achieve our New Year’s Resolutions?

I don’t think keeping resolutions necessarily matter.  I think that we make resolutions because we want to achieve or fix areas of our lives.  Resolutions force us to re-evaluate our lives, our directions and purpose.  Resolutions start the ball rolling of personal growth and development.

So, you are serious about achieving your goals this year.  Set yourself up to succeed.  Here’s what you can do.  Break your resolutions down into do-able pieces. Break your resolution down into steps.  For example weight lose, 1. talk to doctor, 2. find dietitian, 3. join gym, 4. go to gym once a week build up to five times a week, 5. take a class- yoga, dance, spin, 6. seek support from friends and family, 6. find therapist and make an appointment.

Perhaps you want to change careers.  Break it down.  Find your passion.  Invest in yourself.  Take a class or two.  Read a couple books.  And again, see a therapist, they are there to help you get through your stuck points.

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Therapy Thursday- Wave of Life

Life can be hectic and maddening. Seems like we are constantly running from one place to the other, trying to keep up with our over packed schedules. No wonder we are unhappy and stressed. We don’t allow ourselves to be in the moment. There is power in just being in the moment, if even only briefly. When we are in the moment, life seems to allow us to breath. Something we often forget to do.
In the Tao of Joy Everyday, Derek Lin talks about being the surfer and riding the waves of life instead of fighting them. I love this analogy and think it’s a wonderful way to approach our ever crazy lives.
Today, take time to be in the now, in the moment. Grab your surfboard and ride the wave of life, instead of fighting it!