Little lost goth girl

IMG_20160303_101432

Little lost goth girl

Drowning in her hair

Swallowed by the black

Held by the harsh guitar sounds and banging drums

Seen in her drawings

Come to me, inspire me, allow me to see, to be and recreate

Advertisements

Hurried

20160102_222357

In the hurried frazzledness of life

The constant state of motion

Never stopping

Always going

I miss the sunrise

The sunset

The sun and wind against my skin

I am caught in the trap of living

Forgetting that I am in fact alive

Always moving

Always running

Afraid to stop

Afraid to feel

There is safety in movement

It’s time to be still

And to be again

IMG_20151231_113112

Living Dream

wpid-img_20150226_014243.jpg

The room starts to spin

images come alive

I close my eyes

Melt into the music

Tones breath

I taste the textures

Smell the vibrancy

Even in my mind

the world is spinning

Images come alive

imagination runs wild

lines blurred

crossed

no sense of reality or dream

I live in both worlds

merged into one

my reality imagination

dream reality

doesn’t matter

what i see

feel

hear

experience

real or imagined

it’s all the same

breathing

bleeding

alive

Hand in the Ground

overload

wpid-img_20150227_140930.jpg

Today of all days I wish I felt numb

experienced nothing

no emotion

no feelings

nothingness

but i don’t

i feel everything

amplified

I need a surge protector

to block

to protect

the bombardment of emotion flooding me

And in this tsunami

i can’t find the ground

or embrace reality

out of touch and overwhelmed

the anesthesia has worn off

I am naked

exposed

and vulnerable

be gentle

for this soul is breaking

it’s cracking

my cocoon wide open

butterfly

My shadow

night walk

What lurks behind me?
Deep inside?
Those pieces I thought I buried
Left in the hills
In my childhood house
Hid away in the closet
What creeps in the corners of my consciousness?
Just out of view, so I just can’t see
What is that I hid from?
Run from?
Pretend doesn’t exist
What skeletons?
What monsters?
Do I dare not unleash
Free from the cages in my mind
Locked away
Threw the key in the lake, tied it down with a brick
You’ll never know
I’ll never tell
Safer for me and safer for you
If you never know
Never touched
Never saw
my shadow

keeper of my secrets

of that which I refuse to accept

to know

the dark pieces of me

buried deep inside

don’t ask them to come out and play

shadows lurk

Falling

water

And I’m stuck.

Trying to write.

Trying to create.

My head swims and I fade out.

Into the dark.

Into the void.

Into the ego.

The tired. Into my mind.

Swimming in my thoughts.

My ideas.

I can’t catch a raft.

I’m losing air.

I’m losing my grip.

Why does it have to be this way?

Why can’t dive in?

Why can’t I trust?

Why must I fight?

Why must I struggle?

I am fading.

I am losing.

I am…..

I am falling.

Darkness swallows.

Ego fails.

And I am left alone.

Me and my muse.

Me and the void.

Left to create.

Left to swim.

Release.

Stop fighting.

Fall and be free.

Dreams of Past

dreaming

Dreaming of you always unnerves me

Upon waking I still feel your presence

As if you are still here

A longing, a missing, a sadness

A joy and a happiness

that at least I am visited

at least I am with you

when I sleep

Soul traveling

I have no doubt we are connected

Lifetime upon lifetime

Thank you for visiting

If it is only still while I sleep

And just so you know

and you remember

I remember you

I think of you

I miss you too

and yes I still love you

Shadows

wpid-img_20141114_080453.jpg

They play with me

toy with me

I think I might be loosing it

creeping in

invading my space

my mind

moving

changing

hiding

what lurks in the shadows?

wpid-img_20141114_075753.jpg

What is out to get it me?

Steal my thoughts

My soul

Watching and waiting

no escape

shadows stalking sanity

slipping

sleep call

shadows eating

Piece by piece I fade into darkness

Full moon swing

Chasing Dreams

heart

When chasing dreams

we have many

people who challenge us

and

CHEER for us

on our way…………………………………….

Those who remind us

that our DREAM is worth PURSUING no matter what

that the dream is ALIVE and of course

you don’t know until you TRY

and give it

EVERYTHING

(exhausted, tired, hopeless, frustrated, terror seep into your mind, trying to steer)

Those who point out

the FLAWS that hold us in place

that STOP us on our path

point out the ObStAcLeS

and how HARD and DIFFICULT it’s going to be

We know this, we are there.  Fighting those thoughts

that keep

creeping in

Then there are those who

CHEER us on BLINDLY

for they believe in us

they support us

WHOLE HEARTEDLY

Then there are those who

trick us

make us question the dream

it’s validity

it’s potential

and encourage us to take the safer road

I give thanks to all who have come with me on my path, as I stepped into uncertainty and question myself.  Thank you for seeing and believing in the dream, and for those who didn’t thank you for not believing.  To the believers, thank you for believing in me and reminding me that ANYTHING and EVERYTHING is POSSIBLE.  And a dream worth dreaming is a dream worth fighting for!

dream catcher