I have wrestled with this blog. Her purpose. For you see it has changed. It started as a venue for me to stretch and grow as a writer, which she still is. However, I realize this blog is the home of my shadow.
Here dwells my darkness. My fears. Insecurities. The things I hid under the floor board or tuck away in the closet.
Here my demons are allowed to run free. To create chaos. To be seen and heard.
Here lives my shadow, free to express it’s self. To be part of me.
What lurks behind me?
Those pieces I thought I buried
Left in the hills
In my childhood house
Hid away in the closet
What creeps in the corners of my consciousness?
Just out of view, so I just can’t see
What is that I hid from?
Pretend doesn’t exist
Do I dare not unleash
Free from the cages in my mind
Threw the key in the lake, tied it down with a brick
You’ll never know
I’ll never tell
Safer for me and safer for you
If you never know
“To realize all your life, all your love, all your hate, all your memory, all your pain – It was all the same thing.” – Cohle
What is it about movies, television shows and books that stir us and move us? The ones that stay with us, haunt us? The ones we obsess over?
I binge watched season 1 of True Detective. HBO was free this weekend. I don’t watch a lot of television, but I do watch it regularly. It’s been awhile since I binged watched. My last binge was the X Men. I watched every X Men movie in a weekend.
What it is it that sucks us in?
For me it’s the human component. I am a therapist, I love interacting with the psyche. True Detective does a brilliant job of creating complex characters that are relate-able and draw you in.
Those shows and movies we love to watch and the books we love to read. We love to watch them because they reflect pieces of ourselves, pieces of our beliefs. Remind us, no matter how dark or light we feel inside, others share our human experiences.
We process these movies, shows and books not only intellectually but soulfully too. We are connecting to a deeper piece of ourselves and our experiences as a human. We are connected to the stories because their stir our souls. That is what great writing does. It stirs the soul and connects us to the human experiences shared by all of us.
On another note, sorry I have been absent. I have been doing some very deep work, figuring out who I am and who I want to be. Another reason True Detective spoke to me. One man who knows who he is, light and dark and accepts it and another man who fights it, who enjoys living in denial. I am somewhere between Cohle and Hart. The soul stirring writing of True Detective has inspired me to get back to writing. A desire to harness the same power in words to move and connect to others. The beautiful cinematography and direction has inspired me to create once again. To step outside of my perceptions of myself and embrace my truth. Thank you True Detective for re awaking me.
What was the last book, television show or movie you obsessed over? Just couldn’t get it out of your head?
There is a fine line I walk. Between sanity and insanity. Madness and control. The dark, the night, the shadows know this. They tease and call. Indulge. Dive in. Cross over. They appeal to me. Get lost. Light fading. Amazing, beautiful and horrific creatures crawl to me. Images buried. Come to life. Living fears. Animating dreams. Hiding. Flirting. Frolicking. Escaping. Imagination set free. Awake or asleep it doesn’t matter. Afraid to close my eyes or keep them open. Fearful of never returning. Paralyzed. Curious. The shadows toy with me. I see things. Hear things. Darkness beckons. Once again calling, “come out and play, please?”
Your toxicity is suffocating
How when you enter the room you suck all the light out of it?
How does one person do that?
Fading into the darkness, you refuse to fight.
Do my best to lighten the mood
And still you persist
Immune to my attempts
I can no longer rescue you
I must let you go
You are on your own
You have to find your own way
While you do, please stop burdening me with your negativity
It is a poison I refuse to swallow.