Therapy Thursday- fear and anxiety (on a personal level)

I was going to blog more about releasing fear when one of her friends visited me today.  Anxiety.  Yes, Anxiety and I go way back.  She loves to feed fear and fear loves to feed anxiety.

I work on my stuff all the time.  I feel it is my duty as a therapist.  To know my stuff and to be constantly working on it so I can provide with best therapy experience for the people I serve.  Lately, I have been working through fear.  My fear of success, failure, not being enough, being judged, and rejected.  Just when I think I’ve got myself to a point were I am making progress the universe (in her wisdom and not funny at the time humor) tests me.  Have I really removed the blocks?  Who said removing blocks would be easy.  Don’t I work with clients on how often times when we solve one problem it can manifest in another way?

Anyways, I get a referral from someone I respect greatly in the psychic community.  I also do intuitive work.  I get the call from the person she referred me to, an owner of a night club needing a tarot reader for two nights.  He leaves a message and it’s broken up.  I can barely understand him.  I start to feel the anxiety creep in.  “Oh God, I can’t do this.  I am not ready.  I am not good enough.  What if they see me as a fraud.  I don’t have the right clothes.”  I talk to my boyfriend and he says I should at least call they guy back.  I do and I’m not sure if my message goes through, and so I text him.  And here I sit waiting.

As I wait, I realize that a huge part of my fears are fed by my anxiety.  That I do the work with my fear and forget to tend to anxiety.  Of course she would be jealous.  Dreams get attention, wishes get attention.  Fear gets attention.  And here anxiety sits in the corner.  No wonder she has been getting louder.  She needs just as much love as the rest do. I start working on my fear steps (I blogged about them last week) and I invite her in.  She just wants to make sure that everything is okay.  She is the mother protecting her child.

How can you help ease your anxiety?

1. Acknowledge it.

2. Slow down.  Before anxiety takes over.  Take some deep breathes.  Just like with fear.  Breathe into those spaces that anxiety likes to hang out.  Take as long as you need.  Just sit and breath, deeply.  Until you feel yourself relax.  Do a body scan if needed.

3. Ask anxiety what it wants but don’t let it run away with you.  When anxiety starts with the what if’s.  You know, what if this happens, what if that happens.  You got to meet anxiety there.  Answering back, “What if that happens?  What if this happens?”  This can be a scary step, going into the what ifs.  The beautiful thing about what if’s is that they are just that.  What ifs.  We are excellent at psyching ourselves out. You are listening to the what if’s because you are going to give them a rebuttal.  You are going to give them a believable argument about why the what if is work.  Just like an excellent attorney defending it’s client.  Look at my case.  What if they think I’m a fraud?  Then they think it.  I cannot change their opinion.  I can improve my craft or decide that I don’t want to do group events anymore.  What if I am rejected?  Is the end of the world?  What if I am rejected by a group of strangers, how does it really affect me.  I still know people who love me and accept me for who I am.  What if I am not good enough?  Maybe their expectations were too high.  Maybe I need more practice.

4.  Let anxiety know, everything will be okay.  You can and will get through this.  That you have what it takes.  You are enough.  Give anxiety believable reasons why everything will be okay.

Extra step:  This works for me.  I distract myself.  I get busy.  I don’t anxiety take over.  I acknowledge her, give her space but I don’t let her run the show.  And sometimes that means doing something else.  Taking my mind off what is causing the anxiety until I feel calm and go back with a clear, relaxed head to reassure anxiety that everything will be okay.

Hope this helps.  What works for you?

P.S.  Shortly I will be posting a fear release ritual.

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